Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
