Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
