We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
