You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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