I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize