So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
