people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
