Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
