i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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