...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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