I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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