Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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