Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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