sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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