life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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