Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if only i could text you this smell
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
