I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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