Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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