i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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