i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's blow job season.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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