Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
