Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize