I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
