You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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