I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
