none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
