there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
