matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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