i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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