I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
