after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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