8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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