I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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