Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
