My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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