dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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