Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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