how can u be prego again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
