New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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