At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
