just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
