Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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