thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
