drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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