Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
