im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
