I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
