Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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