dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
