So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
