Screwed.edu
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
