I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk is not a location!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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