I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
