I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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