yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Randomize