Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What a dumb baby whore.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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