I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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