my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
