Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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