based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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