Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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