I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
