After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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