Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize