My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
