I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
