No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
