were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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