Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
