I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
