Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
